There is a point in life around your early twenties (for some), when you stop and think “Yes, life is truly beginning”. You’re on your own now, and things are starting to come together. You have lots of friends; you’re out dating people and having fun. You are free. Some of those same people whose freedom lasts well until their thirties, to be able to wake up any time of the day they please. Who can lace up their shoes and go for a run when the thought pops into their mind. They can stay up late, and be as loud as they want without waking any monsters. I envy them, but I don’t want that.
I was a young mother. I wasn’t a teen mom, but I had my oldest son Carter at 22. I got to live a brief moment as a young single 21 year old. My long time on again, off again boyfriend and I had a little Labor Day weekend get-a-way, and then it was written. I felt so young to be facing motherhood, and the long journey ahead. Scared, alone in my own thoughts, no career, minimal college experience, and working as a server in a local restaurant. I could easily admit that when I was younger and imagined the moments I was experiencing first hand, was definitely not that pretty little picture I had once painted. I still wouldn’t trade that for any other daydream. Being a mother to Mr. Carter has been the greatest heart wrenching moments of my life. I know what I have sacrificed; I knew that I had to hold on tight for all that was going to come along. In the last 9 years, I have become a mother, I have developed as a woman, I made it through a dark portion of becoming a single mom, I have become a wife, and a mother all over again to a sweet little blue eyed, blondie named Grey. I still have not gone to school, but that does not define me. I still work in a restaurant, and that does not define me. What does define me is that I am a woman, with a deep passion to conquer life. I am on a quest to find the little things that make me happy, that make me roar. I have all the big amazing things nailed down for now. I have a home full of happy and healthy boys. I have a badass husband who constantly amazes me by putting up with my never ending shit, crazy ideas, and unfinished projects. We will forever have a lot going on with life, and I have accepted that. We may not be rich, in fact we are far from it, but we have a roof over our head, food in our bellies, and Nikes on our feet….So life really can’t be that bad.
My trek to find the little things will lead me to even bigger things, moments, and life experience that my heart desires. I wasn’t always in this mindset. There were many of times that I thought the world was out to get ME, just me, like it was a bad thing. Having many realizations and a few slaps in the face that the world, and the universe WERE out to get me-to remind me to LIVE, not just be. After all we are not on this earth to just pay bills and die. Those damn bill’s will always remain until the end of time, but that moment when happiness, excitement, and bliss whoosh through your blood, and ignite that fire-well those moments are something you have to go get for yourself. That last sentence has been one of the hardest life lessons I have learned. YOU HAVE TO GET THAT FOR YOURSELF. It’s one of those things that your great grandpa would have said “if I knew then, what I know now”. You stop and think “maybe it all would have been different”? But you’re wasting precious time. Your opportunity to seize life, and to take the reins is NOW. So ask yourself everyday “what am I waiting for” until you just start doing. A few summers back my husband and I decided to be adventurers whenever the opportunity would present itself. We would make a quick plan, and go. We would wedge all of my over packing abilities, and the kids in the car, and let the wind take us. We even made a family bucket list, which I will blog about later. One of our adventures led us to Crater Lake. We arrived around sunset, in the cold climate, and the watercolor painted sky. We drove the road until you could see the most amazing sight I have experienced yet. I unbuckled my seatbelt and opened the sunroof. My eyes, my heart, my soul was BEAMING with every feeling I could pack into that moment. We sat at that view point in awe, in silence, even the kids held still. That moment will forever be my AH-HA moment. That constant reminder that I want MORE. That I actually despite what the other version of myself had said over and over, that I deserve more. At that moment I began to live. I encourage you to find your zing that mind blowing zapping moment that revives you from the everyday grind, and begin your adventure.
“Life is either a great adventure or nothing”
-Helen Keller
La Bella Vita Mama 