The Journey of La Bella Vita
  
We are broke, but we are not broken. We spend so much time in life putting value on things that at the end of the day when I tuck my children in at night and crawl into bed with my husband those things are not the things I pray for. Most nights I stay up after my boys are all snoozing away, and I reflect on many things. Life, bills, photography, and raising happy children. Most of all how to make it through life feeling like I have lived. The things that money cannot buy. We live in a world that measures success on the things that we have, but you guys already know that.

In recent time our family has lost a portion of our income. My husband is back to traveling out of state which makes him be gone half of the month. Our landlords have decided to sell the home we have lived in for about a year. The rental market is extremely competitive, and we have just a cute little savings. Those are just facts. Basic facts, and if people so chose to judge us for those things, then that is none of our business. We as a family have decided to look at this chaos as a blessing. Don’t get me wrong this all happened in a matter of 10 days, and it consumed me, as if someone had told me I had the plague. We are like any other average family trying to row through debt, paying what we can to keep our eyeballs above water…..if only we had a snorkel. I stay up late trying to wrap my head around all of this. I decided that I could look at this situation in two different lights. One way was to freak out, and curl up into a ball. We all know that it wouldn’t ever get anywhere. The second way is to realize that we still at the moment have a roof over our head, a car to drive, fancy iphones, laptops, tvs, and all the other shit that you collect over time thinking that it is buying you happiness. The truth is that we have love. We have each other. We still have the ability to wake up each morning and find the good inside a bad, and make it even better. Let alone we both have jobs. A huge part of me wants to call bullshit on the whole “we have love thing”, but honestly it is what is getting us through. We talk about it as much as we can because bits and pieces of this plan leave me feeling completely wounded, and vulnerable. Vulnerability has a precious way of making you feel like an utter failure. Instead of fearing it, I have decided to welcome it into my life. I will allow it a place at my table, and I will nurture it. I will remind vulnerability that the reason it is being fed at my table is to remind me that without it I cannot create the change that we have inched up to. Well now it has to sit at a tray table and eat off of a paper plate because we sold our table and dishes (literally). Talking about this jump with my husband, my family, and friends leaves me excited for a new beginning.

In the meantime we have devised a plan…well an almost working plan. We are going to purge ALL of the things that no longer serve a purpose, or make us feel good. We are going to completely simplify our life. How many of you can look around your house and spot out things that annoy you? Things that you have that do not make you feel good. Places or corners in your house that hoards useless shit. Well that is what we are doing. Sell, donate, and adios mutha fu*&A out the door. Since we have decided this we feel liberated, excited, and oddly happy. Nothing like a good ol’ slap in the face to revive you from a self induced coma. There has been about two months since this situation has been brought to light. One thing is that Joe and I have fought very little about it (I know, WEIRD). We have been so overwhelmed with the amount of helped that has rolled in, we are so beyond blessed. From multiple people willing to open their homes to us. Right down to my girlfriends helping us sell most of our shit, and bringing the mimosas….which led to a mimosa stand in our drive-way (if you follow me on facebook, the picture is there). During our sale I got this rush of overwhelming anxiety that-HOLY SHIT this is actually happening. It was a lot to take in but I was instantly reminded that we already have what we need. We aren’t selling our belongings because we need to-WE CHOSE TO. The week before I had packed up most of what I wanted to keep, and the more I kept packing the more I questioned if I needed it. I then decided I wanted to pack ONE large box for each room to move (with the exception of the kitchen and living room). So I have challenged myself to stick to it. Someone wise once told my husband “There isn’t a luggage rack on a hearse”. Not that anyone is dying-calm down, but that it’s JUST stuff. Stuff I guarantee you will be replaced.

So here we are. The first step was to make a plan. Second step-downsize. Third step-Pull the trigger.

 

Writing is something I have always loved, but I have always been too nervous to post most. The fear of being judged was overwhelming. In a way airing our dirty laundry. I concluded that allowing that judgment to enter my life was a choice. I no longer care to let it in my house. Writing will and has always set me free.

The words rock bottom had come to me during the beginning of this process-but we aren’t. I remind myself daily of all the people who have floated back to the top after hitting “rock bottom” or rejection. Lets name a few…Walt Disney was once fired from his newspaper job for “lacking imagination”. Fred Astaire’s first screen test people said “Can’t Sing. Can’t Act. Slightly balding.” J.K. Rowling was a single mother living off of welfare when she began writing the first “Harry Potter” novel, who can be quoted saying “Rock Bottom was the foundation on which I rebuilt my life”. There are so many more. What I can say is that I am not done; we will not be here long.

 

Before I leave you I want to let Brene Brown remind you of vulnerability since she is that master of it..

“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy- the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of light.”

Thanks Brene.

 

This is our journey to La Bella Vita. I look forward to sharing more of it as we embrace it.

Ciao,

Amara